Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Escorts And Pocket Knives

Escorts And Pocket Knives

I've been wanting to get something off my chest for a few days. I think it's high time I got to it. 
There comes a time in every kid's life that the kid needs a pocket knife. I decided that the time has come for my kid to have her first pocket knife. One of the knives I carry is the standard Swiss Army Classic SD. You know the one, that little tiny one with the tweezers and the toothpick and the scissors and the screwdriver. Yeah, that little one. I figured that one would be perfect for a kid's first knife. I went to the Target in Redmond, Washington. It's close to where I live. They had one, I bought it. It cost me $12.00. And life was good. 
At some point between that day, and some time before that day, I misplaced my own knife. I was going to go through rules and safety stuff, me with my knife, her with hers. A couple of weeks later I still hadn't found my own knife, so I decided I had to buy myself a new one so that we could go through the safety lesson and rules. This time around, I ended up at the Lynnwood Target. It was close to other stuff we were doing, so I dropped in. 
Luckily I hadn't yet given the kid her knife, because they had the perfect knife for a 10 year old girl. It was pink. Awesome. 
And here's where shit went off the rails. I reached up to pick a $12.00 knife up off the shelf, but I couldn't get it. The damn thing was locked to the shelf. I had to call for a sales associate to release a $12.00 knife from the secured wall. After wandering around for several minutes, I finally found someone to liberate the knife, or so I thought. The lady used her magic magnet to get the knife...but she wouldn't give me the knife. 
She asked if she could walk me to the front of the store. No, I'm not ready to check out. 
She asked if she could walk with me while I finished up my shopping. No, I don't want you following me around the store as I browse for shit. 
I was ready to tell her to go vigorously attempt to procreate with herself when she convinced me that they would hold the knife for me back in electronics and let me check out all the rest of my stuff there when I was done. I gave in, bought some extra stuff just to make it uncomfortable for anybody trying to buy games in the back of the store, and got my knife. Then I walked from the back of the store to the front of the store carrying a large opaque plastic bag that I could have just dropped any number of things in to while on my way out. All so that the Lynnwood, Washington Target could make a pretense of preventing shoplifters from stealing a $12.00 Swiss Army Knife. 

Then End.